The Ulta Show

“No, we shall not give up. We will do it by any means!” –Rana declared.

The firm announcement was not to motivate to win any battle; it was to watch our first porn movie! And Rana was not Rana Pratap Singha, he was our leader for all these kind of crooked things.

Probably I was seventeen then. It was the day of the local election. In those times elections used to be a big event in our town. All the voters used to go out in the morning and come back in the evening after celebrating all day in polling center and discussing the vote dynamics. On that day Rana planned to watch a porn movie at Ritu’s home for the first time in our life, anticipating it would be a  great opportunity in the empty home.

As always, the boys gang had not included me in the plan. Because I was a ‘good boy’ and bookworm, friends used to consider me worthless for these kinds of plans. But fortunately(!) I was with the group that day and friends did not mind to keep an additional spectator in the group. They might not want to lose the chance to tease me later on.

On those days arranging porn movie cassettes was a challenge itself, especially for the minors. The only nearby shop was of Shankar, who was ridiculously deaf. He was able to hear all unimportant words but unable to hear which were important. So for minors, it was very dangerous  to ask him loudly for porn movies because of the risk involved of  being caught by older people in the market who used to be our moral guardians that time. Moreover, Shankar used to rent out porn movie cassettes only to known people and only for two hours. If it is not returned within the time he used to chase to their homes. And it was obvious to understand  that if Shankar has come to the home, then things are very fishy. So we were surrounded by very powerful mines, still the gang decided to take the risk.

So in the morning, all of us gathered at Ritu’s house, fresh and super excited. Ritu asked his father's permission to watch a Hindi hit movie, 'Kacche Dhage' (not a hit at all, collected by a jerk in our group) and he agreed.  We were anticipating  the family members will go out shortly, but they were very relaxed. It  seemed the clock was running faster to reach the stipulated two hours given by Shankar. We all were anxious and impatient. Finally after waiting one and half hours, all the family members left for voting. By the time we all were settled locking the gate and arranging the cassette player, only fifteen minutes left to return the cassette. We were not willing to Shankar to come to home at any cost. Then Rana, the most crooked guy in the group again led us and  came up with a wonderful idea.

“We can’t return the cassette without watching. It is a golden opportunity”-Rana Said.

“So…?” Sonai asked.

Rana jumped up from his seat and brought out the cassette from the player. The he did the most unbelievable thing. He started pulling out the reel from the cassette and almost pulled out half of the reel from the porn cassette and within no time fixed it with the reel of our own Kacche Dhage cassette by Fevicol.  Now porn cassette was ready to go back to Sankar but the actual content was with us in disguise.

Biltu and Tanu were sent to return the porn cassette to Sankar. They made us swear not to watch it without them. We promised and they rushed to the shop.

They covered the fifteen minutes distance within five minutes. Once they settled down we started the movie. Ajay Devgan was delivering burning dialogues with his intense look, but Rana desperately made it fast forward and brought to the original part. And our jaws hanged. Guess why?

A couple were hanging from the roof and were making out. It was looking like fevical has fixed even them with the roof! For thirty seconds we all were stunned and shocked, what was happening! The Rana screamed, “Yeh to ulta(Reverse) hai!”  Within some time, we all realized that Rana hurriedly fixed the reel in reverse way. And we were watching a unique sex position, even it must be astonishing for the most knowledgeable sexologist under the sun! We all were looking at each other's dumb faces, then again desperate Rana jumped up. Within one minute he placed the old black and white television in upside down position without bothering all  resistances of Ritu. Finally,  we started enjoying the show, Ritu too! Our jaws hanged more. But after not more than five minutes ...

FATHAAAASSSH! 

With a sharp flash and little noise, the television got blank! And rest of the day passed bearing curse of Ritu and fixing the television, but nothing helped. The classic show ended.

The 'Ulta show' is still a very memorable word in our group!